In My Truth

By S.Kefenste

Have you ever cried in front of someone and immediately felt guilty for making the person feel uncomfortable?

Have you ever apologised because you are crying and you know you are making them feel uncomfortable?

How did you feel after you had apologized to them ?

This article in our journey is about vulnerability possible accountability and being in our truth and not feeling sorry for that.

So as you know I am in my truth that being said I have to allow myself to be vulnerable in front of select people that I am comfortable enough around to allow myself to be 100-percent the person that I know I am to be.

I’ve cried I’ve written it down I’ve felt ashamed and I’ve worn a smile on my face when I truly felt like I was dying inside.

There is a term fake it until you make it which I was never a fan of because I thought it was related to the idea of acting as though you have things that you can afford when you really can not. Now that I’ve thought about it I’ve decided to apply that philosophy of faking it until you make it in the way we construct our self beliefs, what I mean by that is where it is so easy sometimes to be in a place of sadness and unhappiness and negativity for me I acknowledge when I am in those spaces, however I do my best not to take residence there for i know that if I dwell on those feelings it’s much harder to get out. Therefore it is better for me to put on a smile when I am crying inside it’s easier for me to say that I am doing well today I am happy today I am in good spirits today even when i’m not and the reason why it makes sense to do that for me is because I know I have every intention of feeling the way that I have presented myself.

I want to feel happy, I want to feel appreciative of life, I want to feel worthy, so rather than going around feeling sorry for myself or being unhappy or going around looking for appreciation or whatever it maybe I just find myself saying and doing things to ensure that my day whether it started off on a bad footing ends in a great and positive light.

Photo credit: Godisablejacob

Vulnerability

I will not apologise ever again for my tears, releasing that energy and allowing our soul to regenerate is exactly what Is being done and it’s exactly what Is needed, so why should we apologise for that?

Asking for help

The hardest thing is the easiest once it’s done, overthinking creates barriers in our minds that stop us from asking for help, it stops us from going out into the world and being the true reflection of our self out of fear of judgement from our peers and loved ones.

It’s taken myself over a year to write a post on Facebook asking for help with my business, my business is my future and my future is my life and I was struggling to ask for help. I was embarrassed about having to ask for help and I thought about it for so long that it took me a year to get out of my head and ask for the help that I needed.

3 weeks ago I made a post on my fb and insta pages, the responses I received were overwhelmingly appreciative, heartfelt and supportive. It took a year for me to receive my blessings because I had been my own blocking I had been the only person in my way that had blocked all of this positive and nourishing love that was just sitting there waiting for me to receive. Now that I have received it there’s no going back for me and it’s easy for me to say that as I am in my truth.

How easy is it for you to be in your truth and to ask for help to reach out for help to go to a place that you need to for help be it in your life, in business, in your mental health, in your physical health. Be it in your emotional health, how easy is it or how hard is it to know that you need some help but have allowed fear of judgement to stop you from reaching out and asking for that help?

Self beliefs that need adjusting

Where does this guilt come from? Well asking for help has felt like a sign of weakness for myself and many others I’m sure.

Where does the blocks and barriers that stop us in our tracks from asking for help or that prevent us from being vulnerable in front of people who we know and love come from? It sometimes comes from said people and places like our home, the beliefs we were raised with especially in the black community where we don’t talk our business outta road, we deal or not deal with things on our own because we don’t want people knowing our business.

It isn’t for everyone to know your business but there are a select few be it family members or Friends, there should always be a select few who you are able to be vulnerable in front of without having to apologise for the way you’re feeling. We all need to vent sometimes, we all need to cry, to shout, to scream and I know personally in the past and even now at times I have felt that there is nowhere for me to go to be able to just be that vulnerable person, who wants to cry like a baby and who is screaming for help.

If I was to go around doing that people would say I was mad right? So there I was feeling judgement from the outer world but my inner world, my inner Circle, my select few are the group that I can be that person in front of without apology. It’s important to have people in your life that you can be vulnerable in front of and feel unapologetic for it.

Forgiveness

Starts with you, forgive yourself for the things you cannot change and change the things you cannot forgive. Then move on to the others.

Forgive your parents

Forgive your siblings, your peers and so on

Allowing yourself to be vulnerable is a sign of strength, it empowers yourself and others around you to take action. It opens your eyes to identify the real from the fake and as your journey of self discovery continues to flourish, you’ll realise who you want to take for the ride and who you need to let off at the next stop.

Being your authentic self may hurt a little or a lot at first but it won’t hurt forever. It’ll strengthen you and prepare you for the road ahead.

A few tips to help you on your way…

Word association

I ran a little experiment using the words below, asking for the opposing words to be sent back to me.

anger sadness fear ashamed sorry guilty

From this list above the following list below has been created.

Bravery / Happiness / Courage / overjoyed / Peace / Excitement / Risk taker / confident / thankful

Innocent / Joy / Proud / Grateful / Acceptance

Calm / Pride

Do you see how the good outweighs the bad, how negativity can be turned into positivity just by focusing on the opposite feeling you may be experiencing. Mind over matter really does work!

Complete with people while your can.

Being open and honest isn’t easy but it helps to get it out of you and into the universe. Try to be reflective as well as constructive in your delivery. Think about the results you aim to gain from the situation.

Tell people how you really feel

Tell people you love and care about the truth about how you are feeling.

How can you express this?

Write it in a letter, an email or in your journal.

Write a song

Record a video

Make a post on Instagram or Fb

Talk to someone you trust

Talk to a stranger in a safe environment like a support group.