When It’s Over

By R.Saunders

We may never know exactly why people cheat, but what do you do once it has happened to you?

Sometimes in relationships, we find ourselves drifting along thinking we have all we need. Then one day you get the carpet pulled from under your feet. So suddenly, ruthlessly and with “no chill”.

What happened? You find out the person you thought you would spend the rest of your life with has been living a double life and having an affair for years behind your back. Finding out news like this can make you feel stupid, dirty, and insecure. It makes you question if you even know the person at all.

Realising the person you called your best friend has been continuously lying to you is enough to make you question your sanity. You go through so many emotions; you feel betrayed, hurt, sad, angry, you want answers, have questions, feel used, emotionally abused, and overall just f**** up! The thought of your partner making love to another person can drive some people to do crazy things. The sneaky texting, calling, meeting up, hanging out…you feel like your just a joke. It is a joke that your “best friend/lover” and their side piece are having at your expense.

You even question how the older generation manages to stay together for so many years when today, a few years of dating is classed as a long relationship. With so many options it’s no wonder people want their cake and to eat it too. We live in a time where “Living My Best Life” is our right…so engaging in moments of instant gratification is rationalised no matter who ends up hurt.

Patterns Speak Volumes

Sometimes you have to be honest with yourself because you know when your partner is lying deep down. Whether it’s that gut feeling, dodgy movements, you feel it, but without proof, you don’t know what to do. But now you know your partner is a serial cheater; everything has shown you that this is the case, most importantly, patterns don’t lie. Sad to say but many serial cheaters don’t ever change.

To Hit The Roof…Or Not?

So now you know, you have to confront your partner with heartbreaking facts. Your partner needs to understand how you feel, you even give them the option to leave and be single, so they can live their best life. Which is often the choice they must want deep down but are not ready to deal with. Well, they are physically in someone else’s bed, so why not go all the way and see if the grass is greener on the other side.

Switching Off The Heart

Once the infidelity is exposed, the relationship becomes tainted, and love becomes tainted. There comes a point where you have to stop loving your partner because the pain of their betrayal is too much to deal with. You have to tear yourself away emotionally from the person you have spent many years entwined with.

Over-Emotional or Programmed!

Men get cheated on, and it’s expected that they must leave the female perpetrator, which they often do as their pride won’t allow many men to give second chances. When men cheat on women, there is an overwhelming unspoken vibe that women should give second chances. I don’t know if it’s fear, emotions or programming but women are more expected to stay…for the kids…for the security..or whatever it is the man provides. The guilt of tearing up your own family is enough to make a woman hold on to a relationship that fizzled out a long time ago.

As hard as you probably still have responsibilities, work, children, and a career to attend to, even healing can sometimes take a back seat to the daily demands.

It’s Your Choice

So what do you decide to do, stay or leave? There is so much to weigh up, but ultimately if the trust has gone. Where do you go from there? What is the next step? You feel confused, not only do you love the person, but you also love them as a friend too, you have grown together and have many happy moments together. Then you look at your children (if you have any) and feel like you will be responsible for tearing their family apart. You do feel guilty, but the real question is…What is best for YOU? What is best for your heart? Can you genuinely forgive and build back up your trust? Or is there no more hope left? It is a very difficult one…

Question for our readers?

Do we need to accept that cheating is a standard part of relationships in the 21st century?

Everywhere you look from family and friends, celebrities and influencers, we often see the same story being played out over and over. Is real love a thing of the past?

Please email talktous@mogulmagazine.co.uk

There are many sides to this debate, but here I am just to give my 2 cents on the topic.